Welcome to the Family!

If you read my previous post you probably saw that we were expecting! While things didn't go perfectly as planned (do they ever?) We welcomed our little one a bit later than expected and have been spending the last few months learning how to function as a family. We had originally planned to drive to Tucson for delivery because we wanted to avoid some terrible care from an OB I will never see again. However when my due date came and went and labor signs were nowhere in sight, my favorite OB actually took the time to discuss that this baby needed to come out before too much stress would cause an emergency eviction. She suggested that I get induced, and because she couldn't send orders to Tucson for that, she said she would be the one delvering that weekend. We agreed that because it would be her, we felt comfortable making that call to have the baby in Safford. I went into this whole thing with the hopes of an all natural birth with no pain intervention and no medication unless it was emergent. I practiced beforehand, I read about it, I had every intention on making it happen. Things were tolerable until I jumped from 1 to 5cm dilated in the span of an hour and hit that transition zone where things took a turn. I was to the point of nearly blacking out from the pain, and we made the call to get the epidural. BEST decision ever. Everything was closely monitored to not impact the baby, and delivery was painless. We brought our little girl into the world at 4:07AM and we have never felt so much happiness than when we got to see her face for the first time and feel her earthside.

Welcoming a baby has been the biggest blessing I think I've ever been given, but it still came with loads of new challenges. The first few weeks were a challenge for sure, not only the physical recovery and meeting the needs of someone so innocent, but also learning to speak a new language. Everyone talks about the sleep deprivation, and the hormone shift, and the different dynamic, but I never felt like anyone ever told me how hard it would be to interpret the needs of a little one. They certainly don't need a lot, just love, sleep, food, and comfort, but its challenging! These tiny creatures have their own personalities.

In addition to the learning curve, it was a completely new thing to me to have to readjust our lives amongst my husband and I. He was able to take two weeks off to help me after labor which was honestly a godsend. I could not have done it without his help, but shortly after that he was launched into working more than full time for twelve straight days, and even just talking to him was infrequent. It felt so isolating! Like being able to talk to another adult was like a breath of fresh air, but it felt like going from 0 to 100 all at once because I was essentially on my own. I did have the support of his family thankfully, and otherwise I probably would have really lost it. But struggling like this was a new thing for me, and I found myself fighting post partum depression. I really knew I needed help when I made the call to my OB and somehow got the absolute worst tech on the phone... I asked to be seen for PPD, and she insisted that my six week appointment would cover that. I started crying on the phone because she was essentially preventing me from getting help by not allowing me to reschedule. "Its only two weeks away" she said, but I was not going to make it another two weeks fighting my brain like that. She transferred me to the front desk and the receptionist heard the tears in my voice and reassured me that of course I could come in sooner to be seen. Thank goodness for my favorite OB and medication! Things are so much better as a result, and I feel capable and actually able to enjoy the rest of my maternity leave with my precious little girl. Those little tough moments feel much less frustrating and less impossible now. All those posts where people say 'you got this mama!' always seemed so cliche to me, until now. But if you're out there feeling like I was, just know you are not alone! Asking for help is the hardest part of getting better, but please please take it seriously! Its a challenging learning curve, but getting better helps you be there for those precious moments with your amazing new child, and reconnect with your family. You are so loved!